I Wasn’t There(2020-2021)

I Wasn’t There(2020-2021)

我不在那里 | I Wasn’t There

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这组作品再现了我童年时期的家庭记忆。主要由置景摄影组成。

我长期体验到与环境、他人甚至自身的疏离,这或许源于童年时我在家中常体会到 “不在场”:我隐藏自己的真实想法,当时我心中所想,与我实际表现出的反应并不相同。

家庭中不同角色的地位差异、孩子不被当作独立的个体而只被要求听话——这些中国乃至东亚家庭常出现的种种问题不必多谈。父母原生家庭产生的问题像一种家族遗传,持续影响下一代;孩子从未参与进那段关系,却需要承担它们的结果。在童年的记忆里,我的真实感受与我表现出的反应经常产生一种隔绝,像是我并不在那里:我的身体在回应父母,可真正的我并未参与事件,只是在旁观现实中发生的一切。长此以往,大概就会制造出这种延续至今的疏离感。

这些记忆常常在我眼前回放,让我感受到陷在过去、无法前进。我想用公开表达、暴露这些记忆的方式,试着放下它们,好让我重新找到自己此刻的感受,让我有朝一日得以真正进入发生在”现在“的真实生活。

Based on my childhood memories, this work analyses the problems of Chinese families by exploring the conflicts between parents and children, which are mainly caused by traditional Chinese culture. In most Chinese family, the only criterion for judging a child is whether the child listens to their parents or not.

As obedience is more important, children are not encouraged to express their true feelings. Therefore, some children choose to hide their true feelings. This leads to a gap between the child’s true feeling and the reaction in real life. Just like an “absence” experience: their body was reacting to their parents, while their mind was merely observing the reality. They were not there.

These memories often replay in my mind, making me feel trapped in the past and unable to move forward. I wanted to let go of these memories by completing this group of photographs, expressing them openly and exposes these scenes.